Tuesday, April 28, 2009

WARNING!!! The Darndest things...

WARNING: If you get squeamish or uncomfortable talking or reading about "private part talks with kids" then leave this post now....seriously! Although I will say we thought it was pretty hilarious. You have been warned.

My little kookoo bird Kaden (who is 4) piped up during one of our family conversations the other night sending Danny and I into one of those "one of us has to face him and it better be you because I can't keep a straight face" situations. Here is the rundown. Recently I hitched a ride to the temple early in the morning with my Mom and was able to do a little shopping afterward. My sister asked me to pick up a book at deseret book if they had it. After teasing her endlessly I found the little nugget of info titled "How to talk to your kids about sex". After laughing about how we cannot believe that we are approaching the time where this book is necessary, I flipped through it reading some of my favorite excerpts for Danny - I know REAL mature, but it is what it is!
ANYWAY
We decided that as goofy as some of the points were, the main idea is that we need to start having some "age appropriate" sex/body parts/behavior conversations. ugh. So as I am getting everyone in PJs the other night and Danny is looking for a bedtime story to read, I mention that we should probably have a quick little "private parts" talk with the kiddos just to get the ball rolling. Husband (looking like he would rather shove bamboo shoots under his toenails, agrees.
So we read our bedtime story and then I (of course it was me do you really think he was gonna go there?) nonchallantly ask the kids if they can name some body parts for me. They said awms, wegs, eye baws, etc. I then - very cooly I might add - mention that some of our body parts are private and asked if they knew which ones. They did of course and I asked them what WE in our house call those parts. Now, let me explain - I realize that I have a weird family and you will soon understand why I was seriously confused about all of this stuff until I was in the fifth grade. Everyone that knows my family knows we can sometimes seem to have our own language and so it was with this topic. Boys had a hooter (don't ask questions...there really is no understanding it...even for me suffice to say I have crazy parents and crazy uncles and aunts who like to hear kids say funny things, and also hate when 2 year olds announce issues they are having with said body parts in very public places using correct terminology. Don't judge I cringe as well and do not use the correct terms to this day - besides how often do you need a word for that anyway - but I digress...) wow this post is taking a ridiculously long time! Sorry. Anyways the boys tell me they have a hooter, to which I reply "there is actually a real name for it do you know what it is?" neither did (I know mother of the year) So I explained the correct term (which I will not type...I pretty much just refuse because I don't care who you are it's a disgusting word)
Moving on - I tell them to correct term and Parker seems fine with it and Kaden looks confused. We wait....and the he asks "Mom what's my hooters name?"
wow
My husband has now become very fascinated with something out the window which is conveniently located in the opposite direction of the questioning child. Keeping as straight a face as I could at this point I explained they are all called the same thing and quickly ended the conversation!
Later Danny and I were laughing about our little "Kaden moment" and he said he knew I would hurt him so he stopped himself from telling kaden that he doesn't get to name it until he's 21.
And you wonder why these conversations are avoided!
certainly one for the books!

10 comments:

Dalton Family said...

OMG! I don't know how any parent has those conversations with their kids! Embarrassing! But that story cracked me up as all your stories do! Love ya!

Lemme said...

that's hilarious!!!

Nerell said...

Oh my gosh, thats too funny!

Calley said...

Holy cow, I really just died!!!!! This is the best story ever.

Place Family said...

You and Danny are so funny! I can picture George and I doing the very same thing. Of course, we don't have a crack up like Kaden yet, but maybe someday. You had me in tears.

Jen said...

Did Kaden already have a name in mind? hahaha

Did I tell you that Braden fell on the bars at school and "hit himself between the legs" according to his teacher? She called to inform me that he might be sore and says, "so if he tells you that his....." I intercept with "pebish is sore"....as she busts up laughing. Oh boys. They are hilarious.

Mom said...

Ahhh yes, the big _ _ _ thing is a story/experience I'll NEVER forget as a Mom :).

Jen said...

Yahoo for Kaden riding his bike! We just barely got our monster on a bike with training wheels. I can't believe Kaden.

Steph said...

Ha ha! I'm so not ready for a boy! We use the Filipino terms for body parts around here, I'll tell the English name when they get married maybe? I still remember in HI when I accidentally used a perfectly innocent word but it happened to be a Soptich term for a body part and I wasn't allowed to say it any more. It didn't mean anything to the rest of the world, but it really made you squirm!

Tara said...

So, we just call them boy parts and girl parts around here. I still get embarrassed when my mom tells stories about me using correct terminology as a small child. When they ask what they are called, I will tell them. In the mean time, Brigham blurts enough out without knowing proper names to keep me more than busy.